So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
