Buhtt sex?
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
