fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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