did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
