So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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