I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
