Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
