My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
