just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
