Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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