The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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