it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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