Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I came so hard my ears popped.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
