im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
