I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
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