Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Randomize
