I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
