How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
