She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
