take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
