not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Randomize
