I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
