apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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