all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
