he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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