if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
We need to get me chipped asap
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
