The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
