I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
