i just google imaged poop.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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