This is not my ceiling
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
