We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
