today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
