If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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