Its about making memories worth repressing
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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