Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
