More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
