i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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