Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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