i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Come share oat with me in your robe
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
