that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
