He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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