So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
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