Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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