Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
