i permit you to call me
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
