all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
