do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
is that a dick in a sweater?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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