Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
