i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
