i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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