I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Brb crying the tears of my youth
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
