she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
