So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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