i barfeds in our rink
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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