No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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