Please don't use social media to get back at me.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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